Why i became an EP mom?

Everyone has their own reasons, medical or not and i have mine. In the earlier months, they would scream and cry after most direct feed and i had to gave in to topping up with formula. I was struggling with confidence issues, even when i had Iris back then. And now with twins, the lack of confidence just got worse and i felt defeated. I felt useless for not being able to satisfy my babies' hunger.

So i thought that if i regularly pump, my milk supply with increase and i will know how much my babies have taken at each session, so no more confidence issue. 2 months plus now since i started, i'm still having to top up with formula, though i'd like to think at much less frequency than during the earlier months.

If my milk supply hasn't tremendously improved, i only have myself to blame. Through this journey and experience, i have learned 3 things....hardwork (usaha), pray to Allah (doa & tawakkal) and acceptance of whatever He gives to you (redha). But perhaps i haven't given 100% to all 3 and that's why i'm still supplementing with formula.

What keeps me going is the will to give whatever breastmilk i still have to my babies....some breastmilk is better than no breastmilk at all, right? I want to keep going...keep pumping. Yeah its tough, like for the past 2-3 weeks, in laws were around, long distance trips etc has made my pumping routine gone haywire. And as a result, i could see my supply dwindling. Yet i can't give up....i still have a long way to go.

I wonder how other EP moms out there manage their routine when they go out??

The challenges of an exclusively pumping mum

We just got back from a week long trip and boy, am i exhausted! Pity the twins coz they are still not well and there i was, dragging them all the way to Langkawi. But one thing i realised on the trip was how difficult it was to stick with my pumping routine, especially when we were travelling with a bunch of other people,who might or might not understand why i disappear every now and again for 15-20 minutes or so. You know la...you feel like you don't want to make anyone wait for you all the time.

And so, because of that, i ended up skipping a few sessions, for which now am paying a hefty price. My milk supply has dropped. Susah la kan...when you have other people involved..other people here i mean in laws. If its just Mr. Hubby, i can just make him wait...heheheh. Besides he has grown accustomed to my pumping routine.

Sikit sikit rushing...bila dah malam, badan dah penat..langsung tak bangun. Hmmm......its crazy how i "thought" i was bored with the same old routine everyday, but when i was actually away from those routine, i actually missed them. Especially when those routine made sure that i'm able to give EBM to my babies. I AM A SELF-CONFESSED ROUTINE FREAK! Am so glad to get back into them :o)

Some pics from the trip....

Lama tak tengok sawah padi

Driving thru kampung road

Taman tasik Taiping

Baby Arslan jatuh!

Last Sunday night was a night that i can never forget and Alhamdulillah, Arslan is ok. We just came back from pasar malam and was going up to our unit. I was holding Ayra and MIL was holding Arslan, and other things she bought at the pasar malam.

As we got out of the lift, Iris...being Iris decided to play footsie with her grandma (actually i don't know if she was playing or it was also by accident), then suddenly all i remember was seeing my MIL tripped and the next second, Arslan was lying on the floor, face down. Ya Allah!!!!!! I couldn't say anything....i just froze right there. My MIL was close to tears and Iris was already crying.

She picked up Arslan..who was already wailing. We quickly when to DSH for check up and did an xray to make sure that there's no wrong.

Poor baby! Alhamdulillah...he is ok. The last few days i've been monitoring to see if he's vomitting, or overly sleepy...signs to watch out for. But takde.

Words cannot describe my feelings when i saw him on the floor...my heart just fell.

My poor baby..after the xray

My pumping so far......

Amidst the daily chaos of taking care of the twins, i've managed to pump according to plan, although sometimes, things don't actually go as planned. I try to pump every 2.5 to 3 hours from around 7am to about 11pm every day, which means i usually pump between 5-6 times a day. Of course i was told that an exclusive pumper (is there even such a term?) should be pumping AT LEAST 8 times a day. Well, as usual, that means i'm still short. But hey, what's new huh?

I've been telling myself to wake up at 3am and 5am to make up for the 2 additional pumping sessions but it seems that once i put my head on the pillow, i'm gone. Can't hear a thing...and the fact that the twins now wake up for feeds, on most nights, only once around 4am-5am, makes it even difficult for me to wake up. Am i giving myself excuses???

Really need to do something about my energy level and stamina. After a whole day of taking care of the twins and doing house chores, i can barely open my eyes at the end of the day. The last pumping session at around 11pm is the hardest...especially when everyone else is already in bed but i'm still up pumping away.

I've started taking Shaklee's OsteMatrix to help boost my milk production for about 1 week now..so far, can see some improvement, sometimes.....there are good days and bad days. The difference now is that on a good day, previously i get only around 3oz but now i can get 4oz. I know i know.....still nothing to shout about, but i'll take every additional oz i can get, you know what i mean???

And so the journey continues.....

Some quality time with Iris

Ever since we had the twins, i must admit that i haven't spend as much time as i used to with Iris. Ye lah...mana nak melayan twins tu 24/7, kerenah Iris lagi. I know that she has been craving for attention, pulling all sorts of stunts just to piss me off. Budak2 sekarang ni pandai...they'll do whatever they can to get your attention, even if kena marah. Kena marah tu means getting attention la kan?

Some times, lepas dah marah marah tu, i fikir2 balik...sedih and guilty la pulak. She's only 3..she doesn't deserve to get that kind of scolding, not to mention smacks. Tapi bila badan dah penat, cepatla short fius.

Yesterday there was a mini concert at her school. I took the chance to spend some quality time with her...just us. It was nice....despite all the scoldings and smacks she's been getting, i hope she knows that mummy loves her to bits!

I pray that Allah gives me the patience and tolerance in raising her......must remember that anak tu amanah dari Allah.

At my friend's daughter's birthday party

Sedapnya McD......

Kakak Iris

Mummy's little sunshine - after the mini concert

Classroom visit

Bila penat melanda

Fuuhh...dua tiga hari lepas ni, badan terasa penat sangat sangat. Bila badan dah penat, nak mengepam pun malas..ish ish. Dapat 4 pack je instead of 5-6 normally. Stok dah semakin merudum.

Esok Monday...takleh nak Monday blues ok..kena semangat balik!

Macam mana ni?

Hmm..after a few days of "trying" to pump according to my new schedule, i'm still short in coming up with sufficient stocks, ie. i'm still in "deficit". Right now, i'm only able to produce 5-6 packs of 4oz each, whereas my target was 8 packs.

How la?? Penatnya badan Tuhan saja yang tahu.......